How to overcome fear of dating after divorce

08-Nov-2016 14:46 by 5 Comments

How to overcome fear of dating after divorce

When it comes to sex after divorce, here are three reasons why people are scared to get naked: 1. That’s really, really scary because you just got hurt by your divorce, and you could be setting yourself up for more heartbreak. Vulnerability means you are trusting someone, and there’s no better feeling than knowing the other person is doing the same. So, it’s not so much about the guy (or girl.) It’s more about the loss. People (mostly women) are beyond self consciousness about their bodies. The last few months (or years) ofyour marriage were probably terrible, and you probably didn’t feel sexy or wanted for a long, long time.

He knew what you looked like naked, and he still wanted to have sex with you.

There are endless scenarios because every situation is different. I think about this question every time I hear someone lament having a partner that is “a commitment-phobe” or, more commonly “AFRAID of commitment” … It’s a tricky little turn of phrase because it pre-supposes that the ability to commit is the natural and desired want of any well-adjusted person …

you wouldn’t say a non-smoker is a “cigarette-phobe” or a peaceful person is an “anger-phobe” because healthy lungs and grace are aspirational and fearing their opposites would never be judged with a label. We often take for granted that people “should” (ooh, red flag when we say “should”) want to commit.

Commitment – versus loving and devoted presence – is merely granting an option on the future.

In a world where many are struggling to overcome depression (as Lao Tzu says “living in the past”) or fighting to avoid anxiety (again Lao Tzu, “living in the future”), many have found a natural balance in “living in the present” (or, to quote Mr. As you have written so eloquently in other posts, it is a natural and understandable behavior to emerge from divorce and take your time with life. If they have adjusted to their new life, they may boldly reach out to a companion.

I can tell you first hand how terrifying that is to newly separated or divorced people. But if you never let yourself be vulnerable again, you have no chance in finding true love. Secondly, I want to share something about the first person you have sex with after divorce. Like so many other aspects of divorce, it’s just something you have to go through. It can truly be a lovely, sweet, special experience.

Inevitably, you are going to start dating, and you are going to meet someone you like, and well, eventually, if things continue to go well, you are going to take your clothes off. With dating and sex comes possible disappointment, tears and maybe even more heartbreak. The first person you sleep with after marriage is an experience (and a person) you never forget, no matter how it turns out.

I hope you can agree with me that you wouldn’t want to date someone consumed with the Divorce Pits.

So, if you’re consumed with them, you’re probably not going to find someone who wants to date you either.

I disagree with these one-size-fits-all recommendations. I believe that the only requirement for you to be able to successfully date after divorce is that you’ve finished your time in the Divorce Pits.

The Divorce Pits are where you experience the most painful feelings of divorce – grief, anger, guilt and rejection.

No one partner is “stealing” something from the other … with an expectation of an option on the future that has not been freely given or honestly communicated). And, in addition to divorce, such behaviors can also be a source of phobias.” Best, Doug What Doug made me realize is that post divorce commitment phobia, (actually, any commitment phobia), isn’t really a fear, it’s a choice.

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