Dharma buddhist dating
Dharma buddhist dating - laws regarding legal dating ages
Am I the only one who has experienced the wonderful, the terrifying and the potentially dangerous pull of romantic relationships and the pursuit of love?
According to Business Week Online, almost 5 percent of the U. And as a mating strategy, it probably beats cruising a Vipassana retreat. In my mid-thirties, I married my college sweetheart, with whom I’d been best friends and off-and-on partners since I was seventeen.
You may be one of those lucky couples I saw on that charming e Harmony commercial, flirtatiously chasing one another on a beach on some island somewhere. A sickening meditation about what it meant to be an attractive gay man in today’s…I’ll say it…superficial society. So what did I desire from the world of online dating? What did I not already have inside of me that online dating could give me? Armed with standards, I was ready to sort through these eligible bachelors and find the one. How many times have I shared something on Facebook only to be disappointed when the like count wasn’t as replete as I would have hoped? became a means for me to aggressively sort out the men that I wanted to love me and those that I did not. And don’t even get me started on my own desire for “likes”. For three whole days I was an online-dating cyber zombie, endlessly attacking the re-fresh button on my computer, waiting for another message from an interesting man to come my way or for another “like” to appear on my profile. When a man viewed my profile and didn’t “like” I was devastated.
Questions about who I am, who I wish to be and the image, albeit incomplete image, I wish to offer the world continue to remain unanswered. Or, even worse, from my own imagination.] So on a Saturday in December, after skipping my meditation practice to create an OK! Because of our dear friend the “like” button, the stakes are now too high whenever we share a picture of ourselves during that fabulous vacation we took last summer, or when we share something that we find deeply interesting, or important, or poetic. (AND ALL IN THE COMFORT OF MY OWN HOME.) Could you imagine if this behavior was permissible in real life? After reading the following sentence, close your eyes. Imagine a world where, akin to maniacally liking and disliking online dating profiles, we were able to literally shove unappealing romantic partners out of the way as they greeted us on the street. These little micro-traumas felt a lot like suffering.
The bigger question was, what was making me want love….right NOW? The same longing that led me to blissful summer-night picnics in the park, cruises throughout the Bahamas, kisses, Valentines Day to-do lists, lying, heartache, break-ups, loneliness and longing…again with the longing.
In the midst of this endless longing I lost myself.
We don’t see all that is right in front of us because of the “like” and “dislike” tape playing in our heads.
Perhaps that is why I felt so crazy after hours of liking and disliking men I never got the chance to meet. What, dear lord, made me think it was a good idea to create an online dating profile after having very recently exited a long-tern relationship with someone that I still cared deeply for?
I sunk so deeply that I promptly lost my mind, found it again and deleted my profile. laboriously, PAINFULLY scrolling through one thousand Facebook pictures in order to find that PERFECT picture. The reason why this process was so painful was because I was looking through the eyes of the big “other”. The other men who would be judging me, maybe harshly so, worthy or unworthy of their time and attention strictly based on the pictures and words strategically strung together on my profile (insert something here about a pot and kettle). How do we come to want what we want from our romantic partners? With an approving “like” men were saved to my profile as matches and with a disapproving “dislike” they disappeared, never to be seen again.
[And look, I know online dating works for some people. But for me, online dating made me a wee bit psycho.] So here is what came up for me along the way. The process of choosing the “perfect” profile picture somehow became its own meditation. Another wise friend once told me (or maybe it was Oprah) that we usually desire from others that which we feel we do not have in ourselves. Cupid it was going to have to be from someone who was a certain age, who looked a certain way and who had certain interests and life goals. In all honesty I think the “like” button is possibly the worst invention in the history of mankind. But why did I find it appropriate to sort through these men in a manner I dare not do in real life?
A yogi who invited me to a clothing-optional “love and intimacy” workshop at his Santa Cruz home that culminated in a talent show where a seventy-three-year-old woman belly-danced wearing nothing but a denim apron.
writes and teaches about finding dharma in daily life.
Her books include the novel Enlightenment for Idiots (named by Booklist as the best first novel of its year) and the mindful yoga manifesto Moving Into Meditation.