Cognitive therapy dating
Cognitive therapy dating
Forget speed dating and boring your friends rigid moaning about your romantic woes.
Based on her work in the area of relationships, and through extensive research on more than 5,000 single people, Dr Lukats has identified the five main dating toxins as: shyness, low self-esteem, fussiness, lack of opportunity and desperation."There may be lots of different reasons why someone has low self-esteem. "They get too intimate, or talk about inappropriate things too quickly - such as how much they want to get married or have children, or why their ex left them. "Lack of opportunity also affects people equally, so we look at that in more detail. "I see a lot of men who feel anxious about talking to women," says Dr Lukats.It could be something that goes back to their childhood. "They might be fine with female friends, they just find it difficult to start conversations with women they don't know."The next step could be asking for directions in the street, followed by making eye contact on escalators, chatting to someone in the supermarket and ultimately flirting on a night out and asking someone on a date. I explain what needs to be done during the session and then give people homework."I make them do each exercise for at least 45 minutes, this seems like a long time but allows for levels to go down."I find that people tend to remember how they feel at the end of the exercise rather than the beginning, especially as it is usually a very positive experience.
"Obviously, each individual's treatment is different as it is personalised according to their problem areas." In terms of the most prevalent 'toxins' Dr Lukats says that low self-esteem, desperation and lack of opportunity are common in both men and women. How do they see themselves in five years' time, and so on." Interestingly, it seems that shyness is more of a problem for men.
It's the run-up to Christmas, and seemingly everywhere you look there are couples kissing under mistletoe or strolling along hand-in-hand, bundled up in scarves and gloves like the living embodiment of a Disney happy ending. There are 13million singletons in the UK, and recent research by online dating service Parship shows that 5.6million of them haven't been on a date for the past six months or had a relationship in more than a year.
Scroll down for more For those who are dating, the prospects are not much brighter.
"When working towards your goals, the trick is to break things down into manageable tasks.
"If you are introverted you could start with something easy such as saying good morning to your colleagues, and gradually moving on to harder exercises.
"Or perhaps they've experienced some traumatic event such as losing a job or a partner who has been unfaithful, and this has knocked their confidence. "But a lot of that could be down to social expectations.