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Instead they are searching for variety in an otherwise humdrum routine. 'Traditionally we believe a woman who has an affair is looking for emotional intimacy, whereas men are looking for sex. 'Women feel more powerful and in control and as a result there are certainly more women being unfaithful because they fancied somebody and were away for a weekend with the girls or on business and seized an opportunity.Or it's a case of a woman being neglected in the bedroom in the way a man once was and wanting to find a way to scratch her itch.' For a wired generation, the automatic place to turn to for satisfaction is the internet.

Female infidelity, however, has a far lower profile and, in popular culture at least, tends to have terrifying consequences.It's about passion and spontaneity – having sex in the shower and up against a wall, all the things you see in movies that just never happen when you're arguing over whose turn it is to wipe the kids' bottoms.' The advent of email and mobiles have made affairs easier to run than ever before in practical, if not emotional, terms.Yet suspicious husbands are also dab hands at checking their wives' inboxes.'We have sex, we chat, we go back to our families,' Sheila tells me over a cappuccino.'I'm not looking for a soul mate, I'm looking for physical release. The girls were small and sex with him had long been just another chore, like loading the dishwasher.One of the challenges Sheila hadn't expected was where to hide her sexy lingerie.

'I went out and spent a fortune at Myla on gorgeous transparent bras and G-strings – things I'd stopped wearing for my husband, Peter, even before we were married.They had a much freer sexual history when they were single and they have far more expectations of good sex.Of course, once they're married it doesn't carry on being like in the magazines but their copy of Cosmo is still popping through the door every month shouting six new ways to heighten orgasm tonight and they think, "It's not going to be with him indoors, he's exhausted, but what a lovely idea …"' Once the seed is planted, outlets are everywhere.Most affairs start in the workplace, and a recent American study showed that women who travel for work are three times more likely to have had two or more concurrent sexual relationships in the past five years than women in general.But as well as seizing their chances, today many women and men plan their infidelities with chilling efficiency.'They probably did online dating when they were single, so that's where they'll immediately head to see what's out there,' says David Miller, who runs Loving Links, an online dating service and one-to-one introduction agency for 'nice, middle-class attached people'.

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