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A 28-year-old lawyer with the Supreme Court who attended A World Alike’s masquerade ball, told me later over the phone that the reason men were hesitant to make the first move in social settings such a bar was because they felt “a lack of invitation.” Things could have been more open on a platform such as the popular dating app Tinder, but in his experience, “girls use it as a game to express whether they like your looks or not, and not as it should be used.
In urban India’s new cultural hierarchy, the top rung is reserved for the global Indian: The foreign-educated, career-oriented, well-read, well-paid, well-travelled and socially savvy men and women who are held up by an increasingly aspirational society as the embodiment of success.The networks are targeting singles who have had no option a few years ago but to fall back on family connections (what Agnihotri calls “the auntie network”) or submit to the tediousness of matrimonial websites.The Agnihotri siblings are now married to people they met at their own mixers, Abhishek with “a convent-educated MBA graduate working in a large organisation,” and Varsha with a man who quit his corporate job to become a music composer. We have seen 52 marriages in five years,” Agnihotri said.“I think the wonderful set of people sitting in that room, irrespective of sex, all just want the same thing,” said Shruti Sharma about an event at Floh at which men and women shared their experiences and expectations of love.Shreya Ukil, 39, is suing Wipro – an Indian firm with offices in London – for up to £1million, claiming the 'deeply predatory and misogynistic' culture caused her to have a mental breakdown and led to her sacking.It wasn’t hard to identify people we would take in.
There were some obvious things in common—the way we dress, how we conduct ourselves, the food we eat.” This, of course, is just the first step in a multi-level screening process employed by FNM and similar networks that are more stringent about keeping out those who don’t belong than taking in ones who do.The mixers thrown by these networks, whether a cook-out or a painting workshop, need the members to perform, from putting on their best clothes to turning a conversation into an opportunity, and the pressure is often more on men than on women.“For some of the men, no one’s ever taught them how to woo a woman, to ask someone out.“We don’t want those people joining this group who don’t naturally belong here because we have our events at high-end clubs and venues…Your money alone does not entitle you to come to our events.” Hatkeshaadi.com, an online matrimony network, defines their ideal member as “well-educated, well-travelled…multi-dimensional in their personalities, with the right mix of modern and traditional values.” For some of the people behind these networks, starting one was the only way to find companionship or love.She told me over an email that she found the men at Floh to be “more on the shy side” than women.